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I Am My Mother

by Black Sea Dahu

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Glue 02:24
My grandmother, she forgot all about her past History repeats itself and she has a blast Eating cake and watching the snow fall The sky fall Just like when she was young Now her thoughts are glue And human race forgot all about the past History repeats itself While we wipe out elephants to the last Do you really know if the world still exists when you die It’s a conception of your brain Our thoughts are glue Let’s start anew Her thoughts are glue (So let’s start anew) Ooh
Human Kind 05:14
I dream of you in colors that don’t exist Travel to the other side, meet you there, leave me blind I look so goddamn tired Even in my sleep Don’t you die on me now baby I am you are me I need you for my sanity Oh how you occupy my mind sometimes Soak up a life Be human kind We are the grown breed of extinction century An apex predator facing mass solitude Thriving child of consumption industry I woke to swollen eyes adrift in the depth of my dream Tremor in the stream Now I’ve lost all sense of direction Don’t you give up on me now baby I am you are me I need you for my sanity And in the end you are the ties you made A devil’s trade Be human kind Every third day I’m caught in the eye of a storm I run a fever and sweat out all the pain Reset my brain back to the norm Every third day I’m caught in the eye of a storm I run a fever and try minding my own Reset my brain back to the norm Thunder over you no matter what you do But don’t despair cause I’m in there with you
There’s an ocean between you and me that can’t be overcome Put all the feelings back to where they came from Then take me away from here Ooh Ooh Ooh Here we are again and I’m trying to explain what it means To be free of our present tense society Won’t you tell me what’s on your mind Oh I need more One and one equals four How come this is proof of sticking to my beliefs I think I need to run away on tour overseas Do you still care what we were before Let’s get on a train and leave Don’t let go of me These days the wind blows colder from the sea You’re out of touch and it scares the life out of me It crawls up my spine, spreads out all over the back of my head You said I am just another chore for you to get done Oh it tears me up to see you on stage I keep my heart shut when I stand in the crowd Now all I do is sit around in hallways with my head against the wall Oh I’m so tired The words are dripping down the walls and I slide down the door Oh you really fucked me up Ooh Ooh Ooh How come this is proof of sticking to my beliefs I think I need to run away on tour overseas Do you still care what we were before Let’s get on a train and leave Don’t let go of me Don’t let go of me I’m drowning in work don’t you know Trying to keep my head above the water Tomorrow I will reap if you’d only help me sow I’m barren and worn out to the bone Push me a little harder love and I’ll sink like a stone
Transience 06:30
Istanbul today You said on the phone But I'm barely awake You’ve been away for too long My love I’ve gone strange White birds falling down from the sky Into the riverbed filled with ink It swallowed up all light And I will be snowed in as of tonight I haven’t been outside for days If they’re looking to be entertained I wonder who they came for Now everything I have left is on this stage We load the car and drive off to any goddamn place Last night in my sleep I climbed out the window Saw a red tree glowing, floating in the air Oh ooh oh oh oh I keep the thought of you a flame How will I survive in this world gone mad? There’s no way now to find you, to find you No human touch can bring me there Now music takes me places oh just like you, just like you How will I survive in this world gone mad? There’s no way now to find you, to find you No human touch can bring me there Now music takes me places oh just like you, just like you How will I survive in this world gone mad? There’s no way I can find you, find you No human torch can bring me where music takes me Places oh just like you, oh just like you
All of your magic no longer works on me You have no power over me You’re the king of wicked deeds Oh such a sweet sweet trap between the sheets You’re consuming all my sympathy and this is the mess of your making You've made your bed Now lie in it Don’t try me now I’m so out of sorts I am wearing thin So self-hating that I’d let myself fall for someone who treats me like this Your black eyes They are an open soul for me to read I can see you suffer and succeed I’m another stranger to mislead I can’t forgive his ignorance Oh this will be my lesson to learn He was the worst liar of all time Thought he’d make the seasons change Sleep deprivation has got me developing compulsions Call it a change of nature I think I’ll lose my mind Oh what you do is not opening up Opening up It’s just unloading shit Like drowning people grab their rescuer all terrified You’re pulling me down with you Into the deep
Affection 05:14
I turned myself inside out You don’t even know I put on the warpaint and calm the winds of your trauma closing in Where do you end and where do you begin? I laid my broken heart in your hands I spend my time wandering in the fog Trying to shake the thought Oh everyone’s out to get you Tread so hard to push me away I’m reading into every word you say I’m lost in your eyes Come lay your broken hands between my thighs Shiny sunday symmetries They’re cracking my composure Oh these wild roots wound around my knees make me fall over Look around Snow, rain without a sound Are you falling out of love? Give all my affection and nothing stays Oh if I could I’d help you wake up back in the womb Come take me out and let me hold your fear as you do mine But it feels like all the time I am misreading the clouds, oooh Oh come take me out and bring me anywhere but here and now I’ve grown so used to everything going wrong Don’t let me down I know that I’m flawed for I find home in every broken one I pass
I am my mother I lay worried through the night Always willing it to rain Her demons are mine to fight I am my father I never say when I’m in pain How could I know what you contain We’re so stuck in our ways I am my sister Nine times out of ten I get it wrong By her side I do belong We’re bound, never to part (Ladadadadada) I am my brother Hide away for me to find Not an idle bone in that mind of yours Mystery to me (Ladadadadada) I am my lover I weigh half when he is gone Need him more than I let on We’re all caught up inside I weigh half when he is gone (Ladadadadada)


On off-days, I would sit at the piano and play. As soon as I stopped hitting the keys, I would cry again! The only way I could hold back the tears was by playing and listening to the sounds slowly fading away and disappearing inside the body of the piano. – Janine 
Janine Cathrein and her tight-knit band, a gang of musical talents, together known as Black Sea Dahu, return with a sophomore long player titled I Am My Mother. If you’ve ever been awestruck by the sheer power of a thunderstorm in full blossom and, for a moment, you forgot all about yourself; and it felt like you became the splintering lightning in front of you—that’s what it feels like to listen to these seven songs. Orchestral, tempestuous, and unpredictable, the way this music spills over any and all genre coloring lines evokes the lightness of touch and the freedom of Basquiat’s brush strokes.
In my world 1+1=2 doesn’t exist! It’s not as simple as that. Things don’t add up, and I try to explain this with my music. – Janine
The material found on this LP was lifted from loose ideas that were collected over the past couple of years, mainly on tour: quick notes made on a laptop or short memos recorded on a phone, usually at sound check. What sets this record apart from the band’s previous releases is its sweeping, orchestral, soundtrack-like sound and scope. This, according to Janine, was a clear and incessant vision that guided her while demoing the songs. The final session took 23 excruciating days and took place at a studio located in Biel, Switzerland. Everything was recorded in-house, including the string arrangements! Every single string instrument you hear was played by Janine and Simon. The magical ingredient, call it the seasoning, i.e. the thing that makes this music transcendental, is definitely the band’s chemistry. You can only play like this if you’ve been touring together incessantly and developed, through the thick and thin, that special brand of telepathy. The joy and the playfulness of the outfit is audible across the board; and you can also hear that a lot of what was recorded happened in the spur of the moment, through synchronicity or what one might call happy accidents. 
The love that remains, in the end, is music! And I want nothing, but music! – Janine 
On Affection, Janine sings: “I turned myself inside out (…) I laid my broken heart in your hands.” This is the key to the entire record, not only in regard to the level of honesty, and the vulnerability the speaker espouses, but also in regard to the fact that a lot of these songs are about more than they appear to be addressing on the surface. In this case, this song isn’t really about a romantic relationship, but rather the complicated and demanding contract between the songwriter and the listener. Glue, the first single from the record, is technically about Janine’s grandmother who lives with dementia, but is, in effect, talking about the ragged state of the world and how we are all complicit in it! Similarly, Human Kind, talks about our peculiar relationship to the planet and to other humans, as if it was just another messy modern-day relationship. The title cut, I Am My Mother, is a touching reassessment of self via the recognition of the nuances and idiosyncrasies of family. Regardless of how deep the record goes, and it goes hella deep! Or how dark it gets – and the lights get pretty dim in a few places – the music always sounds like a joyous affirmation of life. Like running and laughing or spinning around while staring up into the clouds or daydreaming about flying. The song Transience sums it up beautifully. Touring will remain extreme, the spotlight demanding, relationships will come and go; but music will forever be the shelter, the medicine, the solid ground and the wings that take you to magical places. 
I Am My Mother is a record about empathy, acceptance, and the art of recognising the beauty in the never-ending dance between the ugly and the sublime. It’s about finding your roots, carving out your place in a world that remains forever in flux. It’s about agency and self-empowerment. It’s about all types of relationships: love, family, society… But! Fundamentally, it’s a passionate and open love letter to music! 


released February 24, 2022


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Black Sea Dahu Zurich, Switzerland

Black Sea Dahu is a singer-songwriter called Janine and her band. They're based in Zurich, Switzerland.


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